I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
