you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
