he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
