Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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