I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
