Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And then my night got REAL pukey
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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