i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
