before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
