Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
