What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
