as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
