she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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