Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
