I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
