Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
