Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
