I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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