there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
