his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
