you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
