By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
