she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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