she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
