she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
