I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
