Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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