I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
