you guys were way drunker than both of me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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