So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
