don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
