i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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