Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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