Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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