i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
