so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sarcasm needs its own font
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
