So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
