I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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