Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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