dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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