i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
