the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
