I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
