The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
