Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
