dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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