After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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