ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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