Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
