margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
