Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
