barbara walters just said penis...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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