my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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