so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
