a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
