Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
